


Elta Safehouse Drag Show.

by RedpathArcade



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossdressing, Immortal Husbands Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, M/M, Smut in chapter Two, background andy/quynh, not used tho, safe word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26296765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedpathArcade/pseuds/RedpathArcade
Summary: "And the winner of Elta Safehouse Drag Show is...".
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 16
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know what your thinking. Elta Safehouse? 
> 
> 'Did I read that right?' You may be asking yourself.
> 
> The answer is simple. Yes, you did.
> 
> Enjoy ☺️

Nile would kiss Copley if he wasn't twice her age and partially responsible for Joe and Nicky being treated like lab rats. It's been eight months and at least once a week she'd be woken up from one of them having a nightmare.

Copley had managed to get them a safe house in the cold snowy mountains of Canada. The location of Elta Safehouse made it easy to go for walks and runs on trails deep in the Canadian mountains, view blocked from every direction and she's only been eaten alive by a wolf once so far.

Stomping her hiking boats on the outside mat letting it catch the falling snow, she open the front door. Warmth surrounding her in a cozy hug. She quickly stripped out of her winter gear.

The cabin smelled of chilli, the spices making her nose twitch. She made her way to the kitchen expecting to see Nicky standing at the stove top with Joe perched on the closest counter top, both laughing at something shared between them. Instead she was met with an empty room and laughter coming from down the hall.

Frowning, she followed the sound until she saw all five people she's come to consider family, laughing in her bedroom.

"... Do I _want_ to know why you're all in my room, trying on my clothes?"

"Andy and I aren't." Quynh replied.

"That didn't answer my question." Nile took a slightly hesitant step into her room.

"The boys are fighting about who would look the hottest in drag." Andy answered lacing up a pair of Nile's heels onto Joe, who smiles sheepishly at her.

"My money's on Nicky." Joe declared proudly looking over towards a poorly set up privacy curtain which hide his husband from sight.

"You can't bet, you're in the competition." Quynh sighed and Nile had no doubt they’ve had this conversation a few times already.

Nile fought back the urge to roll her eyes, instead she turned back to Andy, "And why couldn't they use your clothes?"

"Have you seen the way she dresses?" Booker snorted.

_Point taken_

"And what about Quynh's?"

"Your shoulders are broader, we'd rip Quynh's clothes." Nicky answered as he pushed the curtain aside and stepped out into the room giving Nile a clear view of what he's wearing and-

_Oh wow_

His hair was longer now and was currently thrown up in a messy top-knot, strands of hair had fallen loose and now shaped his strong jaw line. He had found one of her nicely fitted silk blouses, a small dusting of blonde chest hair poking out from the top.

Except for a tight fitted pair of briefs he wasn't wearing anything else below the waist. In each hand he held an article of clothing; Left hand, her shortest pair of shorts. Right hand, a leather skirt she'd picked up last shopping trip with no intention of wearing. _Definitely_ wasn't appropriate for around the house wear.

" _Nile-“_

Tearing away from her thoughts, she'd blinked, "What?"

Joe cocked his head to the side, brows slightly frowned, "Nicky was asking you which one you think he should wear..."

"Umm."

"Nile sweetheart, are you okay? You look flushed, did you forget to bring a scarf on your walk?"

 _Oh god_ Nicky was using his concerned 'mom' voice- which Nile normally found amusing and sweet, but normally he wasn't half naked, half dressed in drag.

Not knowing what to say she turned her attention on Andy and Quynh, "Have you decide yet?"

"Sweet baby Nile," Quynh laughs, "We haven't even started the contest. This is just a trial run. To see if the boys can actually fit into your clothes. The show is after dinner."

"... I'm sorry, _show_?"

"The whole nine yards," Booker stretched his arm through the little blue shirt. The sound of fabric ripping filled the room, "... _sorry_."

"What Booker means, is that there's more to it then outfits. You have to get into character. Walk that walk- in high heels. As much as three hours of practice buys them."

"How is Nicky going to make dinner then?"

They all turned to him.

"It's chilli. Just keep stirring it and don't burn it. And _don't_ add anything to it- I already did that."

Nile took a deep breath, "Just- don't rip anymore of my clothes. And Nicky, shorts or skirt it doesn't matter you look good in everything."

"And nothing!" Joe winked at his husband, beaming proudly as a small blush started spreading across Nicky's neck.

* * *

Thirty minutes later each men had their wardrobes picked out and assigned one of the ladies to help get dressed.

Quynh with Joe, in his and Nicky's bedroom.

Andy with Nicky, in her and Quynh's bedroom.

Which left Nile with Booker. The pair currently stuck in the small kitchen as Nicky refused to let Nile leave the chilli unattended.

"How do you women put on skirts?" Booker glared at the floor length silk skirt, "Do you do it one leg at a time like pants, or do you jump right in?"

"One leg at a time." Nile threw her head back staring at the ceiling beam hoping it would break and kill her.

"I jump right in!" Quynh shouted down the hall.

 _And second now beam_.

* * *

Feeding them turned out to be worse than her run in with a _very_ hungry wolf. For starters everyone had to eat at different times so they wouldn't see each other's outfits. Which just ended up with Joeglaring into his bowl, muttering on about how he and Nicky _always_ ate together. And when he wasn't glaring at his bowl or cursing the gods in languages Nile didn't understand; he'd be looking longly at Nicky's empty chair.

Eventually dinner was done, table cleared and furniture moved around in the living room so the boys could 'strut' and 'pose'

* * *

Despite all the hard work that went into rearranging the living room, three hours wasn't enough time for the guys to learn how to walk or even stand in heels.

Andy had moved the small kitchen table into the living room so they could sit and judge the guys. Each given a notebook and pen to write down their scores.

Booker was the first one up. His waist was a tad bit bigger then Joe's and Nicky's, Nile’s skirt a little to tight around the middle, a slit in the fabric ran up one side for showing off a leg. Which Booker had thrown a fit once he realized, complaining he wouldn't have enough time to shave, which he wasn't wrong.

Despite the sheer amount of hair on his legs (which Nile had told him over and over again girls don't mind body hair) Booker seemed to cheer up at the top he had picked out. It was a white fuzzy sweater that paired perfectly against the golden colour of silk. The only shoes that had fit where a pair of sneakers, but honestly they made the outfit even better in Nile’s opinion.

Joe was next and Quynh started bouncing in her seat, clapping as he walked out and Nile had to admit they did a good job with his outfit.

He had on her only pair of high waisted red leather pants, two faux zipper pockets on each hipbone. He wore a sheer black top, rainbow heart shaped pair of pasties on his nipples, and Nile had a feeling Joe picked them out and not Quynh.

"Really Joe? You stretched my pants." Nile shook her head in disappointment, "And honestly what is going on?"

Joe looked down at his outfit, a revealing mix of glitter and leather that walked a thin line between sexy and trashy, and shrugged, "Quynh likes the glitter."

"I like it." Andy gave Quynh's thigh a squeeze, "I think Quynh did a very good job. You look okay."

Joe laughed, eyes bright, "Thank you! Thank you!"

"Andy why don't you go get Nicky." Booker suggested, eager to be done with this show, now that he clearly wasn't winning.

"Ohhh it'll be my pleasure." Andy grinned.

"Did anyone else hate the way she said that?" Booker asked looking slightly worried.

"I'm sure it'll be okay.”

* * *

Nicky stepped into the room with the soft scratch of stockings, the swish of silk and lace and out of the corner of Niles vision she could see Joe, his mouth had fallen opened, pupils blown wide.

Joe just stared. He didn't think he could've moved despite everything inside him telling to walk up to Nicky and _grab kiss worship take_. "Habibi... You didn't tell me. You- you'd be wearing _makeup_."

Nicky blushed and Andy smirked as if she planned this all along.

And Nile couldn't blame Joe for his reaction. Nicky looked...well. Incredible. Fantastic. Gorgeous.

If she hadn't known it was him, Nile wouldn't be able to tell. Black stockings, the white blouse from earlier with a black bodice overtop, delicate lace making up the bodice, and the tight, tight leather skirt. Paired off with Niles favourite heels.

His hair was down and styled in tight curls resting against his shoulders. Red lipstick bright against his pale skin. He was simply a vision to look at, and a quick glance around the room told Nile she wasn't the only one who thought so. It was if no one could look away. Not even Booker who looked a little flushed.

"What?" Nicky voice squeaked embarrassingly, tucking a strand back behind his ear in a bout of insecurity.

And Joe shifted, making no attempt at covering his growing reaction, not that anyone figured he would anyways. When it came to his love and attraction towards his husband he simply couldn't and wouldn't hide his feelings.

Joe felt a flush climb up his neck when Nicky ran his hand down the side of the skirt, toying with the ends flipping the fabric up just slightly, revealing bare thighs between garters and stockings. Suddenly the air was charged and Joe was moving to crowd Nicky against the wall before anyone could blink.

It was silent for a moment. Nicky and Joe off in their own little world held in each other's eyes. And the rest not daring to make a sound.

"Nile do have any special attachment to these clothes."

 _Fuck,_ she shouldn’t be as turned on by this as she is, she cleared her throat but it didn't help the squeak in her voice, "Well they are mine, and we don't get much time to shop."

Joe hummed, "And the stockings?"

_God_

"Those are actually mine... And I don't want them back." Quynh spoke from behind Nile, her voice equally high. 

"Someone announce the winner please." Nicky's voice was deep and gravely.

Joe murmured his agreement against the long line of Nicky's exposed throat.

"And the winner of Elta Safehouse Drag Show is..."

"Clearly me." Joe smirked, squeezing Nicky's hips as he grounded against his husband's body.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ive never actually written Anal sex or another other than I handjob. So I hope I didn’t butcher this.

He can see the paint cracking on Nickys lips and get couldn't resist the urge as his tongue darts out to taste it. It tastes like scarlet, sweet and bitter. But most importantly it tasted like Nicky.

"Letto. Adesso." Joe growled out.

Nicky quickly sprawls across their bed, Joe hovering over him, looking but not touching. Nicky whines desperate for Joe's touch, for _anything_.

When Joe showed no signs of moving Nicky starts to trace fingers over his own goosebumps raised flesh, down the softness of his toned belly toward the lace-edged panties that skim the hollows of his hips, black silk dark against pale skin. His body is luminous against the cobalt sheets. The garter and stockings discarded at the end of the bed.

It was Andy's idea to include the lingerie, at first Nicky was hesitant, worried that it would be too much. That Joe wouldn't like it -

His thoughts were interrupted and proven very much wrong, when he felt Joe's hand grip his dick through the tight panties. Joe's hot breath tickled the skin of his neck causing Nicky to shiver, and then Joe's strong hands tugged away the undergarment with ease. Nicky breathed an immense sigh of relief when his cock sprang free of the barricade.

“This was such a good idea...” Nicky's words trailed off. His own hands slipping into the tight leather pants Joe wore and dragging his husband in closer.

Joe's lips were hot and insistent against Nicky's as Joe's hand slowly began to slide it's way up Nicky's inner thigh, and Joe could feel the muscles under his fingers twitching as Nicky's hips began to rock in anticipation. Joe forced himself to slow his hand to a snail’s pace and revelled in the way he could feel Nicky's breath hitching; there was nothing in the world that Joe loved more than to have his beautiful husband underneath him, all eager and willing in his arms.

"Do you- do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look? Merda santa, Nicolo." 

Nicky made a desperate noise and his hips jerked, "Raja' Yusuf!"

Joe hummed, "Please, what?"

"Fuck me, Raja'." 

"Let me get undressed." Joe stood up making quick work of his clothes, glitter falling all over the floor at the movement. He winced slightly as he pulled off the pasties.

Nicky's cock twitched, pre-cum dripping onto his stomach, as he took in the thick muscles that made up Joe's arms, torso, and legs, and a lush scattering of dark body hair covering his husband from collarbone to navel to groin. If it wasn't covered in glitter Nicky would beg over and over until Joe let him lick those thick hairs, taste the sweat gathered at the base of his cock.

"Fuck!" Joe strokes his own cock, eyes darken, "You look so beautiful, If I wasn't worried about glitter ending up in places it shouldn't, I'd be on my knees worshipping you. Taking you in my mouth, open you with my tongue until you're withering and begging me to fuck you."

"Yusuf! Ho bisogno di te!"

Joe swore and grabbed the lube they stored under the bed, opening the lid he poured a generous amount onto his hands, slicking his fingers, getting them nice and wet for Nicky. 

“Turn around.” Joe ordered firmly, yet gently. When his husband didn’t respond fast enough, Joe repeated himself. “I said turn around.” He said, more forcefully this time. 

Nicky quickly turned, pushing himself up into his hands and knees, rewarded with a slick finger pressed against his hole. 

"Colour." 

"Green, verde raja'." 

Joe made quick work, one finger turned too two, then three. In and out, until Nicky was a begging mess underneath him.

Nicky moaned loudly, shifting up onto his knees even more, moving so all Joe needed to do was thrust forward to get himself into Nicky. "I'm ready, Yusuf."

Joe shook his head. "Nicky, I-" He swallowed, and Nicky craned his neck to look at him. "I can't control… it's going to be fast."

"It's okay, I trust you Habibi." 

Joe guided his cock towards Nicky's entrance, closing the space between them with a swift thrust. Once buried deep inside, Nicky clenched around him, their groans bouncing of the rooms walls.

Joe softly kissed the back of his neck lovingly as he waited for his husband to adjust to him before setting a slow pace. In and out. In and out. His pace picks up, eliciting moans and whimpers and whisperers of pleasure from Nicky, who is pushing back meeting his thrusts. Knowing Nicky was ready he picked up the pace, pulling out and thrusting back in, hard.

"Yusuf, marito!" He's getting desperate and close and Joe knows it too. He's taking every effort to hit that knot of pleasure inside Nicky on every thrust.

Nicky threw his head back, Joe draping himself over his back, biting down on the flesh of his shoulders and Nicky came spectacularly, with a choked sob.

"Shit, sto cumming!" Joe swore as Nicky tighten around his cock and in a flash of white light he was cumming deep inside Nicky.

They both slumped, bonelessly, panting heavily, onto their stomachs. Exhausted and happy. Joe still half on top of Nicky.

After a few moments of silence, Joe slowly eased out of his beloved, despite his gentleness Nicky still hissed at the sensation. Joe gave his back an apology kiss as he pulled out all the way, cum spilling into the sheets. Joe frowned slightly at the sight.

"Should've thought about grabbing the plug before we started." Nicky spoke as if he could read his husband's mind and after nine hundred years together he probably could.

"Hmm, next time." Joe hummed in agreement, grabbing a dirty shirt to wipe them as clean as possible, they'd definitely need to have a shower before bed.

"The sheets are covered in glitter, Habibi."

"Blame Quynh."

Nicky pushed himself into his back, smiling softly at Joe, "I'm sorry. I've been a terrible husband. I haven't complimented your outfit yet."

"Yes, you did. As soon as we got into our bedroom."

"No, I tried too, but someone couldn't stop shoving their tongue down my throat." Nicky smirked.

"I got the gist of it." 

"Hmm, sure. How about you get back here and I'll show you how much I appreciate you're tight little ass in those leather pants. The way the sheer shirt did nothing to cover your amazing body, the beautiful bloom of hair that I so badly want to run my fingers through."

Joe couldn't help the shaky breath that escape passed his lips, his cock twitch against his thigh, and he knew it wouldn't take long to get hard again, not with the way Nicky was looking at him. 

Swallowing, Joe walked to the edge of the bed, far enough that Nicky wouldn't be able to pull him down, "How- how about we shower first, get this damn glitter off of me and then you can do whatever you want."

Nicky raised an eyebrow, "Anything?"

"Anything."

"Doccia. Adesso, Yusuf." Nicky shot out of bed, pulling the naked man behind him into their own bathroom, Joe laughing cheerfully behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Habibi - my love  
> Letto Adesso- Bed now  
> Merda Santa- holy shit  
> Raja’ - please  
> Ho bisogno di te - I need you  
> Verde - green  
> Marito - husband  
> Sto cumming - I’m cumming  
> Doccia Adesso - shower now.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think, or just add a heart ❤️  
> Also the smut will be added later today or tomorrow. Editing is hard..


End file.
